The Fruit Does Not Fall Far From The Tree....
Who in your prior generation do you see most within yourself?
Many of us grow up hearing how we are "just like" someone in our family. We may be compared to one of our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and so forth. This comparison may be a physical similarity, personality or a combination. Take out your journal and reflect on the following:
She also shared that her son looked just like the father. She could not understand this as the child had never met his father and had only met his paternal grandmother and aunt a few times when he was much younger. I asked the mother the age of the child when she first noticed these similarities and at what age did she start telling her son these observations. She replied that he had his father's tendencies since birth. He was born with his father's face and she could see similarities in their body shape. She was upset as she felt he should have looked more like her as she was the one who had carried him for nine months. She also shared that her relationship with the father was very stressful throughout the pregnancy and she was not happy about the pregnancy.
I then interviewed and worked with the student throughout the school year. In the beginning, the child would basically share that he knew he was "bad," that he had always been bad and that was just the way his life was. He figured since he was "just like his dad," that he would end up like his father. I asked him if that is what he wanted, or just how it was. He shared that he had never really thought about it, that his life seemed to be on automatic.
He eventually also shared that he wanted to get to meet his father, and felt the only way to feel close to him was to act the way his mother said his father acted. In some way, it helped him to feel as though he had a special bond with him. I guided him through the exercises that I had outlined above and helped him to separate his own identity from that of his perception of his father. Through this process, he was able to keep the aspects that he admired and served him in a positive way and identify his own personal strengths that would empower him to create his own future and goals separate from his father's. This also allowed him the opportunity to grieve the void he felt in not knowing his father rather than acting these feelings out destructively.
By being able to clearly identify the source of the pain that he was acting out in anger, allowed him to then shift it. Through subsequent joint sessions with his mother, he was able to articulate his feelings and needs to her. One of the main ones was needing his mother to see him as himself rather than in the shadows of his father and all her own feelings that she had dumped on him in the process. This approach, more importantly, allowed him to see himself as a separate entity from his father. This shift allowed him to feel more empowered in creating his own destiny.
How can you keep the jewels handed down from the prior generation without saving the trash?
Visit www.CreatingYourHealthyLegacy.com for more information.
Many of us grow up hearing how we are "just like" someone in our family. We may be compared to one of our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and so forth. This comparison may be a physical similarity, personality or a combination. Take out your journal and reflect on the following:
- Who in your family were you compared with the most?
- Who in your family did you feel the most connection with?
- How did you feel about these comparisons and connections?
- How have these comparisons impacted your way of functioning in your life (i.e. educational and job performance, relationships with family, friends, intimately, with yourself, physical/health and emotional challenges, etc.)
- Now break down these comparisons into positive and negative and in what way were they positive and negative.
- How can you use the positive aspects (strengths) to help shift the negative ones (challenges)?
- How can you "rescript" the negative (undesirable) traits into a form of strength and resolve in realizing your true personal goals in your life...... which brings you to.......
- If you do, how did these comparisons in your life influence what these goals are?
- If you do not, how did these comparisons get in your way of developing them? What can you do now to shift that?
She also shared that her son looked just like the father. She could not understand this as the child had never met his father and had only met his paternal grandmother and aunt a few times when he was much younger. I asked the mother the age of the child when she first noticed these similarities and at what age did she start telling her son these observations. She replied that he had his father's tendencies since birth. He was born with his father's face and she could see similarities in their body shape. She was upset as she felt he should have looked more like her as she was the one who had carried him for nine months. She also shared that her relationship with the father was very stressful throughout the pregnancy and she was not happy about the pregnancy.
I then interviewed and worked with the student throughout the school year. In the beginning, the child would basically share that he knew he was "bad," that he had always been bad and that was just the way his life was. He figured since he was "just like his dad," that he would end up like his father. I asked him if that is what he wanted, or just how it was. He shared that he had never really thought about it, that his life seemed to be on automatic.
He eventually also shared that he wanted to get to meet his father, and felt the only way to feel close to him was to act the way his mother said his father acted. In some way, it helped him to feel as though he had a special bond with him. I guided him through the exercises that I had outlined above and helped him to separate his own identity from that of his perception of his father. Through this process, he was able to keep the aspects that he admired and served him in a positive way and identify his own personal strengths that would empower him to create his own future and goals separate from his father's. This also allowed him the opportunity to grieve the void he felt in not knowing his father rather than acting these feelings out destructively.
By being able to clearly identify the source of the pain that he was acting out in anger, allowed him to then shift it. Through subsequent joint sessions with his mother, he was able to articulate his feelings and needs to her. One of the main ones was needing his mother to see him as himself rather than in the shadows of his father and all her own feelings that she had dumped on him in the process. This approach, more importantly, allowed him to see himself as a separate entity from his father. This shift allowed him to feel more empowered in creating his own destiny.
How can you keep the jewels handed down from the prior generation without saving the trash?
Visit www.CreatingYourHealthyLegacy.com for more information.
Posted by MutsMer.com at 3/26/2010 10:18 PM 
Categories: Parents, Comparisons, Generations, Family
Tags: destiny Comparisons empowered birth dad anger Family positive Parents A.D.D. children identify relationship student Generations school negative youth pregnancy bond
Categories: Parents, Comparisons, Generations, Family
Tags: destiny Comparisons empowered birth dad anger Family positive Parents A.D.D. children identify relationship student Generations school negative youth pregnancy bond
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